Sunday, January 18, 2009

There is No Good News Behind Those Walls....

And I believed that for awhile now. All the work the groundskeepers do to the outside of the hospital to make it look nice. The architecture that conveys peace and serenity. The elderly volunteers that greet you with warm smiles and ask if you need help. The housekeepers that ask how you are and tell you they will pray for you and your family. All these things only hide tragedy behind huge mag locked wooden and steel doors. Frosted glass that keeps prying eyes from witnessing the uneasy sorrow of sick and dying people. The family's that stand in the halls whispering quiet words and sharing muted hugs. Dads, Mothers, Sons and Daughters sobbing into the shoulder of loved ones...

You spend enuf time at a hospital and you'll see that these things happen everyday, every minute, and every moment. I've been part of those groups of people wanting to be somewhere secluded and sheltered from the brutal reality of what their lives now bare burden to. And the clock hand will tick on, thundering out another moment in time lost. Life lost.

From the day we are born we start to die. A bazaar mixture of genetics, fate, dumb luck, faith and self worth will determine when is our time to go. And go we will, with out choice for most of us, and with choice for some of us.

The time between those two moments is the only time we'll have to express ourselves. To make clear to others what we hold dear and close to our hearts. Do not think for a second that you have tomorrow, for frail are we. And the souls that inhabit this world around us can be snuffed out in an instant. Make use of that time. Tell the ones you love that you love them, you may not get a second chance.

By the grace of God I did get a second chance. Buffy is still intubated but they think they will remove the tube tomorrow (Sunday). She been very awake and breathing on her own for over a day now. She can answer yes and no questions with head nods, and tell you volumes of words with her expressive eyes. She dose not like trick questions. She can move all of her limbs and is trying to scoot around the bed to get more comfortable. She even managed a laugh all tho it looked very painful with the tube down her throat.

The nurses hung the pictures on the arm of the ventilator right by her head. And every time I went in there today she was wide awake staring at them. She knows shes in the hospital but doesn't know/remember why. I asked her some pretty odd questions to see what she remembers/knows and she answered all of them correctly with no problem.

“Do you know what deviantart is?” Head nod yes.

“Is you birthday on the 16th?” Head nod yes.

“Do you know who I am?” Head nod yes.

“Is my name Fred?” Frowny face head shake no.

“Do you know yesterday was your birthday?” Frowny face that turned to crying... Hugs and kisses made that one better. The I told her that her bracelet said she was still 39 and she wont turn 40 till shes home with us. A painful laugh.

All day long we talked like this. My heart beaming and lifted to heaven with her getting better. But as I left her tonight to get some rest for us both, I reflected on the silent tragedy's all around us there. And the way I felt a sennight ago.

I believe that a miracle has been preformed behind these walls and by Gods grace Buffy will keep getting better. But a life lesson has been learned by me and mine that will forever be with us.

That clock hand will move and never return to that moment. It is gone forever. Make use of those moments, you never know how many you have left.


musicaldruid said...

I shed a tear or two every time I come here and read an update. We are so lucky! So lucky that we have people in our lives that love us, that we love in return. It may not always make sense why we have who we have but they are there to teach us something. Buffy is a lesson to all of us to make sure that we tell everyone that we care about what they mean to us. Thank you both very much. Continued love and well wishes to you all! Hugs, Lynette

J. Wade Webb said...

It is so good to hear that she is getting better. We still have her in her thoughts.

Bad Attitude Ink said...

Glad to hear she's getting better.

**Still Keeps all fingers crossed***

I'm superstitious okay :D

SINthia aka Lilith said...

It was a blow to my soul when I heard of Buffy's troubles, BUT I am so happy she seems to e on the road to recovery and that she has such a wonderful husband by her side. I wish you both my best and you are in my thoughts and have been since I heard of Buffy's illness. We miss you Buffy!

Marcelo said...

I´ve been in hospitals for friends and family too many times not to be touched with your words...the first time i recall it´s being left behind at the ICU with my father´s coat and stuff while my mother make all the paperwork and my father was inside with a heart attack...i think i was around 10...

I am glad that Buffy it´s getting better...we still have both of you and your family in our thoughts and prayers...